Would you like to reduce the stress of moving...

 They say that there only only two things that are more stressful than moving home ...

1. Death (does this refer to you or a loved one?)
2. Divorce (which is often a double whammy as it would often necessitate the sale of the family home) This is why I have decided to stick with my current wife even though she is as mad a s a March Hare, as I couldn't face losing my home as well as my much loved lifelong companion.

NB I did mention in a previous article that my wife is a technophobe and I am assuming that she will never be able to log on and thereby read my marital asides. However, if one of our friends brings these comments to her attention I wish to place on record the fact that I was pressurised in to making these derogatory comments and in fact I cannot imagine my life without her (have you noticed the glazed look that comes over my face as I imagine this non-marital, post coital state of affairs?)

The truth of the matter is that selling your present home and then buying a replacement is indeed stressful but the good news is that there are a number of steps you can take that will significantly reduce the stress involved in making this move.

Here are just some of the ingredients that goes to make up John Nixon's recipefor a stress-free move (I have not included the option of shooting your estate agent as in some ways this could prove counter productive:-

• Take up residence in another country where they you will not have to suffer the      ridiculous form of property conveyance that we have imposed on us in the UK
• Dramatically increase your consumption of alcohol and/or drugs (prescription of course)
• Gain illegal entry to your estate agent and solicitor's office in order to plant a concealed web cam, so that  you will be able to refute the lie when you are told that he, she or it is out of the office and therefore cannot speak to you.
• Enroll in classes for Yoga, Transcendental Meditation and rectal therapy which will     not in any way hasten your moving date but should provide a welcome distraction from the daily calls to your agent/solicitor.
• Assume that everything your buyer/seller has told you is a filthy lie and this will at least have the effect of lowering your expectations (similar to the prove practice to under promise and over deliver)
• Tell your estate agent that if he fails to get his act together you will either issue a contract on his/her life or, with immediate effect, check in to a mental hospital both of which courses of action will prevent the greedy agent from getting his sweaty palms his fee.

Please understand that the above suggestions are known as the ALTERNATIVE means of reducing stress when moving home.  Perhaps you would now like to read the list that I complied before the sun went down over the yard arm (hic... the bottles empty now anyway)

• Select a good estate agent. This is seldom an easy task. Ask for recommendations from relatives, colleagues, neighbours who have recently moved. Conduct a survey of which estate agent seems to have the most SOLD signs in your locality. Interview 3 or 4 likely candidates and DO NOT select the agent who quotes the lowest commission fee. Also, don't let your heart rule your head... if your      research indicates that your home is worth around £250,000 don't believe the agent that promises he can achieve £275,000; particularly if he adds that he will almost certainly have a sale agreed by the weekend. He is almost certainly lieing through his teeth and once you have signed a 4 month contract, the next contact you will have wit this disreputable specimen will be when he calls you to suggest that you should dramatically reduce your asking price 'as the market has deteriorated significantly in  the last few weeks.'
• Adopt Realistic Expectations... the only way your home is going to sell quickly is if it is one of the most desirable homes in the known universe or you are content to give it away. Accept the fact that it will probably take a month, or two, or three to attract a buyer at right price.
• Hold Your Horses Do NOT start looking at property that you might like to buy until you have a sale tied up for your present home.. otherwise it will only lead to tears and/or divorce.

All joking apart, moving home has never been more fraught with pitfalls, risks and stress but if you employ the right professionals to look after your interests then before you know it you will be enjoying the comforts of your new home and agreeing with your other half that this will be your last move.  Ignore this advice at your peril.